Amish Paradise by Weird Al Yankovic

As I (1)________ (2)______________ the valley where I (3)______________ my grain
I take a look at my wife and realize she's (4)________ plain
But that's (5)________ perfect for an Amish like me
You know I (6)________ fancy things (7)________ electricity

At 4:30 in the mornin' I'm (8)______________ cows
Jedediah feeds the chickens and (9)__________ plows, fool
And I've been milking and plowing so long that
Even Ezekial thinks that my mind is gone

I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline
Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin
But if I finish all of my chores, and you finish thine
Then tonight we're going to party (10)________ it's 1699

We've been spending most our lives living in an Amish paradise
I churn butter once or twice, living in an Amish paradise
It's hard work and sacrifice, living in an Amish paradise
We sell quilts at discount price, living in an Amish paradise

A local boy kicked me in the butt last week
I just smiled at him, and I turned the other cheek
I (11)____________ don't care, in fact I wish him well
'Cause I'll be laughin' my (12)________ off when he's burnin' in hell

But I ain't never punched a tourist (13)________ if he (14)________________ it
An Amish with a 'tude, you know that's unheard of
I never (15)________ buttons, but I got a cool hat
And my (16)____________ agree I really look good in black, fool

If you come to visit, you'll be (17)__________ to tears
We haven't even paid the phone bill in 300 years
But we ain't (18)____________ quaint, so please don't point and stare
We're just technologically impaired

There's no phone, no lights, no motorcars, not a single luxury
Like Robinson Crusoe, it's as primitive as can be

We've (19)________ spending most our lives living in an Amish paradise
We're just plain and simple guys, (20)____________ in an Amish paradise
There's no time for sin and vice, (21)____________ in an Amish paradise
We don't fight, we all play nice, living in an Amish paradise

Hitchin' up the buggy, churnin' lots of butter
Raised a barn on Monday, soon I'll raise a nutter
Think you're really righteous? (22)__________ you're pure in heart?
Well, I know, I'm a million times as humble as thou art

I'm the pioust guy the little Amletts want to be like
On my knees day and night scoring points for the afterlife
So don't be vain, and don't be whiney
Or (23)________ my brother might (24)________ to get medieval on your hiney

We've been spending (25)________ our (26)__________ living in an (27)__________ paradise
We're all crazy Mennonites, living in an Amish paradise
There's no cops or traffic lights, living in an Amish paradise
But you'd probably think it bites, living in an Amish paradise
Yeah

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