Amish Paradise by Weird Al Yankovic

As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain
I take a look at my (1)________ and realize she's very plain
But that's (2)________ perfect for an Amish like me
You know I shun fancy things like electricity

At 4:30 in the mornin' I'm (3)______________ cows
Jedediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows, fool
And I've been milking and plowing so long that
Even (4)______________ thinks that my (5)________ is gone

I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline
Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin
But if I finish all of my chores, and you finish thine
Then tonight we're going to party (6)________ it's 1699

We've been spending most our lives (7)____________ in an Amish paradise
I churn butter once or twice, living in an Amish paradise
It's hard work and sacrifice, living in an (8)__________ paradise
We sell quilts at (9)________________ price, (10)____________ in an Amish paradise

A local boy (11)____________ me in the (12)________ last week
I just smiled at him, and I turned the (13)__________ cheek
I really don't care, in fact I wish him well
'Cause I'll be laughin' my head off when he's burnin' in hell

But I ain't never punched a tourist even if he (14)________________ it
An Amish with a 'tude, you know that's unheard of
I never (15)________ buttons, but I got a cool hat
And my (16)____________ agree I really look good in black, fool

If you (17)________ to visit, you'll be bored to tears
We haven't (18)________ paid the phone bill in 300 years
But we ain't really quaint, so please don't (19)__________ and stare
We're just technologically impaired

There's no phone, no lights, no motorcars, not a single luxury
Like Robinson Crusoe, it's as primitive as can be

We've been spending most our lives (20)____________ in an Amish paradise
We're just plain and (21)____________ guys, living in an Amish paradise
There's no time for sin and vice, living in an Amish paradise
We don't fight, we all play nice, (22)____________ in an Amish paradise

Hitchin' up the buggy, churnin' lots of butter
Raised a barn on Monday, (23)________ I'll raise a nutter
Think you're really righteous? Think you're pure in heart?
Well, I know, I'm a million times as (24)____________ as thou art

I'm the pioust guy the little Amletts want to be like
On my (25)__________ day and night scoring (26)____________ for the afterlife
So don't be vain, and don't be whiney
Or else my brother might have to get medieval on your hiney

We've been spending most our lives living in an Amish paradise
We're all crazy Mennonites, living in an Amish paradise
There's no cops or (27)______________ lights, living in an Amish paradise
But you'd probably (28)__________ it bites, living in an Amish paradise
Yeah

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