Amish Paradise by Weird Al Yankovic

As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain
I take a look at my wife and (1)______________ she's very plain
But that's just perfect for an Amish like me
You know I shun fancy (2)____________ like electricity

At (3)________ in the mornin' I'm milking cows
Jedediah feeds the (4)________________ and Jacob plows, fool
And I've been milking and plowing so long that
Even Ezekial (5)____________ that my mind is gone

I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline
Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin
But if I finish all of my chores, and you finish thine
Then tonight we're (6)__________ to party like it's 1699

We've (7)________ spending most our lives (8)____________ in an Amish paradise
I (9)__________ butter (10)________ or twice, living in an Amish paradise
It's hard work and sacrifice, living in an Amish paradise
We sell quilts at discount price, living in an Amish paradise

A local boy kicked me in the butt last week
I just smiled at him, and I turned the other cheek
I really don't care, in (11)________ I wish him well
'Cause I'll be laughin' my (12)________ off when he's burnin' in hell

But I ain't (13)__________ punched a tourist even if he deserved it
An (14)__________ (15)________ a 'tude, you know that's unheard of
I never wear buttons, but I got a cool hat
And my homies agree I (16)____________ look good in black, fool

If you come to visit, you'll be (17)__________ to tears
We haven't even paid the phone bill in 300 years
But we ain't really quaint, so please don't point and stare
We're (18)________ technologically impaired

There's no phone, no lights, no motorcars, not a (19)____________ luxury
Like Robinson Crusoe, it's as primitive as can be

We've been (20)________________ most our (21)__________ (22)____________ in an Amish paradise
We're just (23)__________ and simple guys, living in an Amish paradise
There's no time for sin and vice, living in an Amish paradise
We don't fight, we all play nice, living in an Amish paradise

Hitchin' up the buggy, churnin' lots of butter
Raised a barn on Monday, soon I'll raise a nutter
Think you're really righteous? (24)__________ you're pure in heart?
Well, I know, I'm a million times as (25)____________ as thou art

I'm the pioust guy the little Amletts want to be like
On my knees day and night scoring points for the afterlife
So don't be vain, and don't be whiney
Or else my (26)______________ might have to get medieval on (27)________ hiney

We've been spending most our lives living in an Amish paradise
We're all crazy Mennonites, living in an Amish paradise
There's no cops or (28)______________ lights, living in an Amish paradise
But you'd probably think it bites, living in an Amish paradise
Yeah

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