Amish Paradise by Weird Al Yankovic

As I walk through the valley where I (1)______________ my grain
I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain
But that's just perfect for an (2)__________ like me
You know I shun fancy things like electricity

At 4:30 in the mornin' I'm milking cows
Jedediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows, fool
And I've been milking and plowing so long that
Even (3)______________ thinks that my mind is gone

I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline
Got a Bible in my hand and a (4)__________ on my chin
But if I (5)____________ all of my chores, and you finish thine
Then tonight we're going to party like it's 1699

We've been (6)________________ (7)________ our (8)__________ (9)____________ in an Amish paradise
I churn butter (10)________ or twice, living in an Amish paradise
It's hard work and sacrifice, (11)____________ in an Amish paradise
We sell quilts at discount price, living in an (12)__________ paradise

A local boy kicked me in the butt last week
I (13)________ smiled at him, and I turned the other cheek
I really don't care, in fact I wish him well
'Cause I'll be laughin' my head off when he's burnin' in hell

But I ain't never punched a tourist even if he (14)________________ it
An Amish with a 'tude, you know that's unheard of
I never wear buttons, but I got a (15)________ hat
And my homies (16)__________ I really (17)________ (18)________ in black, fool

If you come to visit, you'll be bored to tears
We haven't even paid the phone (19)________ in 300 years
But we ain't really quaint, so please don't point and stare
We're just technologically impaired

There's no phone, no lights, no motorcars, not a single luxury
Like Robinson Crusoe, it's as primitive as can be

We've been spending most our lives living in an Amish paradise
We're just plain and (20)____________ guys, living in an (21)__________ paradise
There's no time for sin and vice, living in an Amish paradise
We don't fight, we all play nice, living in an Amish paradise

Hitchin' up the buggy, churnin' lots of butter
Raised a (22)________ on Monday, soon I'll (23)__________ a nutter
Think you're really righteous? (24)__________ you're pure in heart?
Well, I know, I'm a million times as humble as thou art

I'm the pioust guy the little Amletts want to be like
On my knees day and night (25)______________ points for the afterlife
So don't be vain, and don't be whiney
Or else my brother might have to get medieval on your hiney

We've been spending most our (26)__________ living in an Amish paradise
We're all crazy Mennonites, living in an Amish paradise
There's no cops or traffic lights, living in an Amish paradise
But you'd probably think it bites, living in an Amish paradise
Yeah

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