Amish Paradise by Weird Al Yankovic

As I walk through the valley where I (1)______________ my grain
I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain
But that's just (2)______________ for an Amish like me
You know I shun fancy things like electricity

At 4:30 in the mornin' I'm milking cows
Jedediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows, fool
And I've been milking and plowing so long that
Even Ezekial (3)____________ that my (4)________ is gone

I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline
Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin
But if I finish all of my chores, and you (5)____________ thine
Then tonight we're (6)__________ to (7)__________ like it's 1699

We've been (8)________________ most our lives living in an Amish paradise
I churn butter once or twice, (9)____________ in an Amish paradise
It's hard work and sacrifice, (10)____________ in an Amish paradise
We sell quilts at discount price, living in an Amish paradise

A local boy kicked me in the butt (11)________ week
I (12)________ smiled at him, and I (13)____________ the other cheek
I (14)____________ don't care, in (15)________ I wish him well
'Cause I'll be laughin' my head off when he's burnin' in hell

But I ain't (16)__________ punched a tourist even if he deserved it
An Amish with a 'tude, you know that's unheard of
I never wear buttons, but I got a cool hat
And my (17)____________ (18)__________ I really look good in black, fool

If you come to visit, you'll be bored to tears
We haven't even paid the phone bill in 300 years
But we ain't really quaint, so please don't point and stare
We're just technologically impaired

There's no phone, no lights, no motorcars, not a single luxury
Like Robinson Crusoe, it's as primitive as can be

We've been spending most our lives (19)____________ in an Amish paradise
We're just plain and simple guys, living in an Amish paradise
There's no (20)________ for sin and vice, (21)____________ in an Amish paradise
We don't fight, we all play nice, living in an Amish paradise

Hitchin' up the buggy, churnin' lots of butter
Raised a barn on Monday, soon I'll raise a nutter
Think you're really righteous? Think you're pure in heart?
Well, I know, I'm a million (22)__________ as humble as thou art

I'm the (23)____________ guy the little Amletts want to be like
On my (24)__________ day and night (25)______________ points for the afterlife
So don't be vain, and don't be whiney
Or (26)________ my brother might have to get medieval on your hiney

We've (27)________ spending most our lives living in an Amish paradise
We're all crazy Mennonites, living in an Amish paradise
There's no cops or traffic lights, living in an Amish paradise
But you'd probably (28)__________ it bites, (29)____________ in an Amish paradise
Yeah

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