Amish Paradise by Weird Al Yankovic

As I (1)________ through the valley where I harvest my grain
I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain
But that's just perfect for an (2)__________ like me
You know I shun fancy things like electricity

At 4:30 in the mornin' I'm milking cows
Jedediah (3)__________ the chickens and Jacob plows, fool
And I've (4)________ (5)______________ and plowing so (6)________ that
Even Ezekial thinks that my (7)________ is gone

I'm a man of the land, I'm (8)________ discipline
Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin
But if I finish all of my chores, and you finish thine
Then tonight we're (9)__________ to (10)__________ like it's 1699

We've (11)________ spending most our lives living in an Amish paradise
I churn butter once or twice, living in an Amish paradise
It's hard work and sacrifice, living in an Amish paradise
We sell quilts at discount price, living in an Amish paradise

A local boy kicked me in the butt last week
I just smiled at him, and I turned the other cheek
I really don't care, in fact I wish him well
'Cause I'll be laughin' my head off when he's burnin' in hell

But I ain't never punched a tourist (12)________ if he deserved it
An Amish with a 'tude, you know that's (13)______________ of
I (14)__________ wear buttons, but I got a cool hat
And my homies (15)__________ I really (16)________ good in black, fool

If you come to visit, you'll be bored to tears
We haven't (17)________ paid the phone (18)________ in 300 years
But we ain't really quaint, so please don't (19)__________ and stare
We're just technologically impaired

There's no phone, no lights, no motorcars, not a single luxury
Like (20)________________ Crusoe, it's as primitive as can be

We've been spending most our lives living in an Amish paradise
We're just plain and simple guys, (21)____________ in an Amish paradise
There's no time for sin and vice, (22)____________ in an (23)__________ paradise
We don't fight, we all play nice, living in an Amish paradise

Hitchin' up the buggy, churnin' lots of butter
Raised a barn on Monday, soon I'll raise a nutter
Think you're really righteous? Think you're pure in heart?
Well, I know, I'm a million (24)__________ as (25)____________ as thou art

I'm the pioust guy the little Amletts want to be like
On my knees day and night scoring points for the afterlife
So don't be vain, and don't be whiney
Or else my (26)______________ might have to get medieval on (27)________ hiney

We've been spending most our lives living in an Amish paradise
We're all crazy Mennonites, living in an Amish paradise
There's no cops or (28)______________ lights, living in an Amish paradise
But you'd probably think it bites, living in an Amish paradise
Yeah

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